Appearances can really be deceiving

I get reflective this time of year. It's the end of the year, and we're staring down the barrel of a new one. So I start thinking about what I've learned in this past year. And I realize that I have learned a lot in the past three years.

I learned I have a heart condition called Wolffe Parkinson White Syndrome. I have had surgery and had to adjust to medications -- lots of medications. I've had to adjust how I do some things. I've had to make changes in my life and in my career. All because of my ticker.

I learned that I also have Hashimoto's disease. I had no idea. I had all sorts of symptoms that for many years, doctors have blamed on this or that. But there were never any real answers. I got tired of "we just don't know," and so I quit asking questions.

But a trip to the doctor, an ultrasound and a biopsy later, and I was on my way to having my thyroid removed. And suddenly, the heavens opened up and all my questions began to get answers. Things began to make sense.

Of course, now there are different issues. More medicine. More symptoms. More questions.

But at least things make sense now.

I have also learned that things aren't always what they seem. I used to look with contempt at those people who parked their cars in the handicapped spots and got out and jogged inside the store. How dare they take those spots away from those who really need them!

But I've learned that disease doesn't always look like disease. People who are sick don't always look it. And you can feel like death warmed over, and still have a big 'ol smile on your face.

So I've learned to not jump to conclusions -- you never know what a person is going through. You never know what pain a person is feeling. You might not be able to see it on the face, but that doesn't make it any less real.

So I park in a spot far away from the store, as far as I feel like walking that day. And I smile at those who use the handicap spots, grateful that I don't have to. Then I say a little prayer for that person, and for whatever prompts the need to park there. My prayer gets a little longer for the person who looks fine when he or she gets out of the car.

'Cause I feel you. I really do.

Bench pressing a Buick

Haven't written in a while. I suppose I haven't had much of anything to say here.

I will say this: I am tired of being tired. This whole journey in the past three years has been slow torture. One thing after another. I get one problem solved, then something else crops up.

I found out in 2014 that I have Wolff Parkinson White Syndrome, and ended up having a cardiac ablation done. While that's not a cure, it did eliminate the heart racing that had been happening most of my life. That's a real blessing, right there.

Finding out that I have WPWS answered so many questions I had...and it made so many things in my life make sense. But that wasn't the period on my sentence.

After going in for a pre-surgery exam for foot surgery, my doctor found that my thyroid was "severely" enlarged. Long story short: biopsy, no cancer, surgery to remove it, and the discovery that I have Hashimoto's disease, an autoimmune condition. That diagnosis made even more things make sense...things that I've dealt with for at least 15 years, and had blamed on other stuff. But it all points back to the thyroid.

Now, since the thyroid removal, I have not only Hashimoto's to deal with, but a severe calcium deficiency as well. They apparently damaged my parathyroid glands when they removed my thyroid, and that controls your calcium.

People think calcium = bones, but your calcium also controls your muscles. With not enough calcium, you can have serious muscle issues. And since the heart is a muscle, and I have a weakened one since my ablation, the docs are concerned. So we're trying everything possible to get my calcium levels up. No luck so far, and it's been more than a year.

My calcium issues make me tired, and make my joints ache. I also get muscle cramps that keep me up at night. I have fatigue because of Hashimoto's as well, so I'm just one tired puppy. By about 7 or 8 p.m. each night, I'm pretty well wiped out.

The other day, I found myself wishing I could get my life back to the way it used to be. I used to leave work and go out with friends. I used to have the energy to run around after work and do stuff. Now I just...don't.

I don't write any of this in an effort to get any sympathy. There are people out there who have it far worse than me. I am well aware of this. I am thankful that I have things as good as I do.

But I am tired. I'm tired of being tired. And I won't be defeated. I will fight. I will continue on. And maybe, somewhere along the way, someone else will be encouraged by something they see in me or in my journey.

I don't fully understand why God allowed this stuff in my life. I've always said I'm a tough chick, so maybe I'm just tough enough to handle all of this.Or maybe, God is trying to show me that I'm not as tough as I think I am.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I think I could bench press a Buick now.

I keep thinking about the lyrics to this Colton Dixon song...

"Through All of It"

There are days I've taken more than I can give
And there are choices that I made
That I wouldn't make again
I've had my share of laughter
Of tears and troubled times
This is has been the story of my life

I have won and I have lost
I got it right sometimes
But sometimes I did not
Life's been a journey
I've seen joy, I've seen regret
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it

You were there when it all came down on me
And I was blinded by my fear
And I struggled to believe
But in those unclear moments
You were the one keeping me strong
This is how my story's always gone

I have won and I have lost
I got it right sometimes
But sometimes I did not
Life's been a journey
I've seen joy, I've seen regret
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it
Through all of it

And this is who You are
More constant than the stars up in the sky
All these years of our lives
I, I look back and I see You
Right now I still do
And I'm always going to

I have won and I have lost
I got it right sometimes
But sometimes I did not
Life's been a journey
I've seen joy
I've seen regret
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it
Oh and You have been my God
Through all of it