My heart hurts today...

My best friend's mom died last night. I feel so numb right now, yet my heart just...hurts. How is that even possible?

I feel so bad for her. She lost her dad just a few years ago, and now her mom. I can't even imagine life without my parents being there, even if they were incapacitated in some way. At least they'd still be there. But to know that they're not there anymore...that if you go to their house, they aren't there...just empty rooms...and silence. I can't begin to imagine how that feels. I don't want to. I don't want to ever feel that.

But I suppose it's unavoidable, unless I were to die first. A part of me wishes that would be the case...so I wouldn't have to say goodbye to anyone. But that's incredibly selfish, so the bigger part of me doesn't want that.

I'm rambling...it's just that my thought bubble is so full of, just, stuff right now. So many feelings. So many tears. So much hurt. And Mama Mary wasn't even my mother. It just kind of felt that way sometimes. She was so awesome. Fearless. Her own person. Sure, she had issues. But who doesn't? I liked that Mary was just Mary. And she didn't apologize for who she was. The thing I liked best about her was her fierce love of her family. No matter what her kids did or didn't do, she loved them.

And oh, those grandbabies. She loved them so much. And I know they loved her. They'll always love her. I'm so glad they all got to know her and spend time with her. There were circumstances that placed them with her more often than perhaps she needed, but now...well...I'm glad. Every moment they had with their Marmee was precious.

I love that my friend looks so much like her mother. Every time she looks in the mirror, she'll be reminded of a mom who loved her ferociously. A mom who was her greatest admirer, and who saw her daughter as her life's greatest accomplishment.

I know that Mama Mary will be missed by her daughters, her grandchildren and all the rest of those who knew her best and loved her most. But there is one who has been waiting for her...the Big Man...my friend's dad. He loved Mary with all his heart. And I know it was hard for him to leave her when his time came. But I'm sure he's been getting things ready for her, and when she took her last breath, he could only smile, because in that moment, his bride was with him again.

My heart aches for my friend, and I cannot imagine the pain she is feeling today as she prepares to say goodbye to her mom. But I know that she is aware that it's really not goodbye. It's more of a "see you later."

So I'll just say, see you later, Mama Mary. Thank you for having a wonderful daughter...for raising her to be the strong and awesome woman she is....and for sharing her with me.